I had reason – by virtue of sharing my blog with a friend – to read over this post and it made me reflect on the things I had written there.
It’s not quite a year since this post was made, and honestly and truly, what has changed? In a way many things, and nothing at all is the short – and somewhat worrying – answer.
I still wonder why it is that I have not been blogging as much as I could have been, and I still do not post my status on Facebook, for much the same reasons I cited in the original post. Visit my Facebook page and you’ll still see photographs, inspirational quotes – a hell of a lot of things to do with Tolkien and The Hobbit/Lord of the Rings movies, but very little of a personal nature unless you’re willing to read the truth between the lines – and very few people do.
So it seems that I’m still censoring myself – perhaps even more than before – but for the very same reasons and with the same sense of frustration because I’m still doing what I said I wouldn’t. Here’s the thing though, when I voice my opinion, when I express my feeling… well it’s still easier not to. Far less conflict that way, just the same as before. it shouldn’t. It should have the opposite effect in that it should lead to a deeper understanding of what makes me connect with people and things in the world – give a sense of my place in everything – but, the fact remains – there’s less external conflict.
After the passing of the last year, I’m finally physically where I want to be – with my family in the US. Still going through the process and the red tape of the immigration process – though this is another blog post in and of itself, for another time – but at least I’m here.
Creatively speaking though, the move has been a challenge. Settling into new routines, new ways of doing things, (not to mention a new culture – don’t let anyone tell you that the UK and US don’t have separate cultures), has thrown up some… interesting conundrums, and in a lot of ways that ‘block’ that I mentioned in the original post has remained.
One of the things I’ve come to learn is that my mind requires quiet time, and dream time – and it’s not getting much of either. By quiet time, though, I don’t mean that I need it to be quite in order to write. What I mean is that I need times to lie still and just switch off, let my mind ‘play’ with ideas, that then become the lines of a plot that once I have in place, I can write even if the TV is blaring, the dog barking – whatever the external noise – I can write through it when the quiet times have been experienced – when I’ve had to proper (for me) preparation time.
The Use’ara Cycle is still stalled, though there are stirrings to take it in a slightly different direction to the way I had been approaching it – a way that might well work better if ever I can get it untangled and coherent in my mind. The Life After series is still just as halted, as I’m not quite sure where its threads were going in the first place.
As far as fandom is concerned, I switched back to my first love, as it were, and have been frolicking, (though the material is dark enough that that word is perhaps highly inappropriate), in Middle Earth among the Elves. I entirely blame Peter Jackson for this – in a good way, I hasten to add – and so far it has allowed my sanity to remain relatively unscathed by my level of frustration otherwise at my lack of creativity.
Which brings me full circle to Facebook and blogging again. I said before – a year ago – that I was going to start being more open about what’s going on, on Facebook (though still you won’t find me ‘airing my dirty linen in public,’ which was my complaint before). I haven’t been particularly, except on a couple of occasions. A year on, maybe I’ll have more success. As for blogging – I have, just today, promised a friend that I’ll try to make more than one blog post every six months. Guess I’d better get on that then. It is, after all, something that I want to do.
All I need is the inspiration for subjects about which I could blog.